Grace as an Umbrella

I wrote this about a year ago, and I guess because I haven't posted in a while I decided to post this...again (with some minor changes). Plus, it is fitting for how I feel right now. Maybe it's the time of year...

On the Tuesday of finals week, like most college students, I was stressed out.

I was burnt out.

I was tired.

I was discouraged... and at this particular moment on this particular day I was walking back to my car so that I could go to my first day of work at the psychiatric hospital. I had just finished a really exhausting "defense" of a 15 page psychological evaluation that I had written a week earlier, and I was on my way to work... in a psychiatric hospital. Honestly, all I wanted was to wake up and find myself in my parent's house at age 10 eating a bacon sandwich and extra buttery corn. But no, here I was walking across campus to my car... and did I mention it was raining? I usually love rain, but this time I was not in the mood to be rained on. The rain felt like the world coming down on me. Even nature was against me! So I gave up on the far distant concept of being "dry" and I walked slowly to my car with my head down like a disciplined puppy, completely hopeless.

I was walking to my car and feeling very sorry for myself about how hard my stressful Grad-Student life was when I heard a familiar voice. I looked up. It was my friend... with an umbrella. This may not seem big to you, but this was exactly what I needed and I immediately felt my whole body relax. Granted, I was already more than 1/2 way to my car and was pretty wet, but that umbrella was more to me at that moment than being dry... it was safety, security, and most of all hope. Hope that everything was going to be fine, and I would in fact make it through my first day of work and finals week and grad school and...well, life because I had a friend... with an umbrella.

This has been on my mind for a little over a week now. Why was this so big? Why was that simple happenstance so impactful? I'm not sure I completely understand all of the implications here, but I'm pretty sure that what touched me so deeply has something to do with God... as all things seem to.

God does not always give me what I want. In fact, I might be able to think of more prayers answered "No" than prayers answered "Yes." But the thing is, he takes care of me. He does not always overflow my cup with blessings, but I never starve. There are times I am completely infatuated with him and I have felt more in love with him than anyone else...but, sometimes I don't feel this way. Sometimes I am an emotional wreck and I am just barely making it. But he is there. Both times.

I treasure the times when God and I are curled up by a warm fire gazing into each other's eyes (metaphorically speaking). But, I think there is a place for those moments of fatigue when I am soaked to my core and barely able to put one foot in front of the other. In those moments he may not always be my comforting bacon sandwich and buttery corn, but he is always my umbrella. And I think I can handle that.