I love people and one of my favorite things about people is what makes us unique. Not too long ago I became a collector of my friends quirks. Mannerisms, phrases, and facial expressions that my friends used became something that I consciously took mental note of and collected within myself. These mannerisms can be viewed in two ways: endearing and annoying.
Here are a few I have noticed...
Heather went through a phase where she used the word "Menudo" (I'm pretty sure this is a really nasty Mexican soup made from the intestines of a cow) every time she forgot a word or term. For example, "Do you have time to go to the uh....uh.... menudo with me today?" She also used it as a euphemism for words she didn't want to say out loud.
Last year another one of my friends regularly said "ok" like she was hocking up a loogie really loudly. "HHHHHOOOOOh-Kaaaaaay."
Anytime my roommate gets a phone call from one of her girlfriends she answers the phone and immediately sounds exactly like the person she is talking to. I always know who she is talking to without asking because she sounds exactly like them.
One of my other friends says the word "yeah" in order to know that I'm still listening to him in the middle of a conversation. For example, "So I was thinking it might be a good idea to talk to her about it, yeah?"
Another friend does this prancing action anytime she has to do something that would usually be seen as ungraceful. For example, if she is crossing the street and all the sudden realizes that a car is coming towards her and not slowing down...instead of running she will do this "dance prance" where she will basically be running with her toes pointed and her hands turned palm-to-the-ground and fingers straight and together pointing away from her body.
My dad does this thing when he is watching TV where he will prop up his feet on the coffee table and cross his ankles to where the toes on one of his feet are in the space between his big toe and other toes and then rub his big toe against the toes on his other foot.
He also clears his throat loudly every time he has said an absolute statement that should not be argued against.
My friend Kayla makes up songs when she is really happy...really elaborate random songs with motions.
One of my friends becomes very confused when he is irritated. He says things like "I don't know what that means" and "I have no idea what you are talking about" while crinkling his mouth.
My friend Ben has these really great facial expressions anytime he feels uncomfortable. He also does this thing when he is walking across a room of people and suspects people are looking at him where he looks down at the ground and then jerks his head to the left and he keeps his right hand near his chest/stomach area while keeping his left arm still against his side.
This would not be a fair post if I did not fess up to my own quirky mannerisms...
I often open up unimportant conversations with the loaded phrase, "So...I've been thinking..." or "So...I have something to tell you..." This scares my friends.
I tap my collar bone with my thumb and middle finger when I am worried, I've done this since I was little. I also thump my fingers against the seat of my chair or my other hand when I am having a conversation that I'm nervous about.
When I am opening a can of coke, I push the tab in really far and I always get a little bit of coke on my thumb, which I suck off my thumb before taking the first sip of coke. I do this every time.
I wait longer to shift gears in my car and take wider turns when I am really happy.
I guess the reason that I love these little idiosyncrasies so much is because I believe that at some level these little quirks are what make us who we are. The mannerisms of close friends and family members are the things that drive us up the wall with irritation and the things we miss the most when we aren't with them.
There is this really great scene in "My Best Friend's Wedding" where Julia Roberts and Cameron Dias are in an elevator talking about her fiance's annoying little habits and quirks and laughing about them when Dias stops the elevator and turns to Roberts and says that after making the list of her fiance's annoying habits she made the decision to throw it away and love him as a whole person, in spite of and even for his quirks that had been so irritating before.
I love this mentality. I embrace the fact that the majority of love (both romantic and non-romantic) is a choice. Unfortunately, people often choose to be irked instead of viewing these differences in people as endearing. I know I do.
So what are some of your favorite little quirks (either things that you do or things that your loved ones do)?
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Things that are Light
Over the past week it has been brought to my attention that I am "too serious." I can think of 4 separate individuals who have recently made comments about this to me. However, I did not pay any attention to these comments until saw the movie Across the Universe. During the song "She's so heavy" thought to myself, "Could this song be about me?" "Am I too heavy?" Thus, I have been making a conscious effort to be more light-hearted this week. In keeping with this decision I have chosen to write about things that are light...
Things that are light:
-Whipped cream...for some reason this is what I think of when I see the word "lite" maybe because it is written on the tub of cheap store bought whipped cream when we have thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family and me and my cousin Trey eat a whole bunch of it on our pumpkin pie....yummmy.
-Heather...I think of her because my grandpa used to call her "Feather" because she was so little...and her name is Heather...which is pretty close to the word "feather" (over-explanation?)
-My brain on wine. I am a light-weight. One glass of wine and I have to give the keys to my car to someone else. I attribute this to the fact that I almost never drink, and I never drink very much. Maybe I should drink more so that I could build up my tolerance...Mom? thoughts?
-Feather pillows. When I think of feather pillows I have this mental image of a giant soft pillow fight in the clouds of heaven with all my loved ones in white pajamas...I know this is random, but that is actually my mental image. Sounds nice doesn't it? Maybe that is what heaven is like...
-Balloons. Is there anyone who actually doesn't like balloons? I don't know anyone who dislikes them. It's fun to yank the string and make them bounce...I like that.
-Laughing. There is something very light about laughing with friends about dumb jokes.
-Swimming. Who doesn't love the weightless feeling you get when you are swimming. I like to touch the bottom of the pool with my feet and then push up and pull my legs in to my chest and see how long I can float like that...sometimes I'll use my arms to keep me up longer with my legs close to my chest.
-When someone plays with my hair. This may be one of my favorite things in the whole entire world. When someone plays softly with my hair all of my cares and concerns melt away and I feel as though I am frolicking through a field of wild flowers barefoot wearing a flowy skirt and laughing. (maybe kind of like the opening scene in The Sound Of Music where she is singing "The Hills Are Alive.")
Things that are light:
-Whipped cream...for some reason this is what I think of when I see the word "lite" maybe because it is written on the tub of cheap store bought whipped cream when we have thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family and me and my cousin Trey eat a whole bunch of it on our pumpkin pie....yummmy.
-Heather...I think of her because my grandpa used to call her "Feather" because she was so little...and her name is Heather...which is pretty close to the word "feather" (over-explanation?)
-My brain on wine. I am a light-weight. One glass of wine and I have to give the keys to my car to someone else. I attribute this to the fact that I almost never drink, and I never drink very much. Maybe I should drink more so that I could build up my tolerance...Mom? thoughts?
-Feather pillows. When I think of feather pillows I have this mental image of a giant soft pillow fight in the clouds of heaven with all my loved ones in white pajamas...I know this is random, but that is actually my mental image. Sounds nice doesn't it? Maybe that is what heaven is like...
-Balloons. Is there anyone who actually doesn't like balloons? I don't know anyone who dislikes them. It's fun to yank the string and make them bounce...I like that.
-Laughing. There is something very light about laughing with friends about dumb jokes.
-Swimming. Who doesn't love the weightless feeling you get when you are swimming. I like to touch the bottom of the pool with my feet and then push up and pull my legs in to my chest and see how long I can float like that...sometimes I'll use my arms to keep me up longer with my legs close to my chest.
-When someone plays with my hair. This may be one of my favorite things in the whole entire world. When someone plays softly with my hair all of my cares and concerns melt away and I feel as though I am frolicking through a field of wild flowers barefoot wearing a flowy skirt and laughing. (maybe kind of like the opening scene in The Sound Of Music where she is singing "The Hills Are Alive.")
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Reflecting on Daniel T. Gilbert's Research, Part 2: The Pleasure of Uncertainty About Positive Events
"By making sense of events, people adapt emotionally to them... The event will come to be seen as more normal and inevitable then it actually was, and hence it will lose some of the emotional power that it had when it still seemed extraordinary... If making sense of positive events reduces the duration of the pleasure they cause, then inhibiting the sense-making process should prolong people's pleasure. (Wilson & Gilbert, 2005)"
One of the studies done by Gilbert had researchers unexpectedly give a dollar coin to random people studying in a library. Half of the participants were given an explanation why they received a dollar coin and the other half were given no explanation. The results showed that the participants that were not given an explanation were in a better mood 5 minutes after the random gift.
So I wonder, does this have applicable points to our interaction with God? If so, what does this mean in relationships with God? If this idea is applicable to a relationship with God then that would mean that people who have a more mystic view of God stay more content than people who believe that he is understandable. If a person does not fully understand why/how a perfect being could love and accept them, then their relationship with God would be more enjoyable, according to this research. And is the reverse then true? People who are highly educated in theology and have extensive theories on exactly who God is and why he does what he does-- these people are less content with their interaction with God.
So what can we take from this? Should we throw up our hands and say, "Ok, I choose to not try to understand God so that I will be happier with my relationship with Him?"
Well…no.
Maybe the goal should be to continue to seek to know God more intimately, yet still approach him with humility and awe with respect to how he works in a realm with more wisdom and knowledge than we will ever possess; to seek to understand Him personally and still be content to maintain the mystery of how he works. Maybe this would sound something like this:
"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen." (Romans 11:33-36)
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Reflecting on Daniel T. Gilbert's Research, Part 1: Irrevocable Choices
I stumbled across this though my thesis research...
"When people make a decision that is difficult to reverse...they are strongly motivated to rationalize the decision and make the best of it. When people can more easily undo a decision...they are less motivated to rationalize their choice because they can always change their minds. Consequently people are often happier with irrevocable choices because they do the psychological work necessary to rationalize what they can't undo. Because people do not realize in advance that they will work harder to rationalize irreversible decisions, however, they often avoid the binding commitments that would actually increase their satisfaction." (Wilson and Gilbert, 2005)
I think this is an interesting idea, and as with most things I wonder how this relates to a relationship with God. It goes without saying that it is hard to quantify how committed a person is to their relationship with God. A relationship with a being that has no physical presence is difficult to measure. So, how can you tell if you have made an "irrevocable choice" to serve God instead of an ambivalent choice? Well, I'm not quite sure, but maybe it would look something like this...
"Blessed be your name,
In the land that is plentiful,
Where your streams of abundance flow,
Blessed be your name,
Blessed be your name
when I’m found in the desert place,
Though I walk through the wilderness,
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord"
("Blessed be Your Name" by Matt Redman)
I believe that God forms us psychologically in ways that bring us satisfaction when we live according to his will. Or maybe he calls us to live in a way that would psychologically bring us satisfaction? Either way, God knows what he is doing when he asks us to irrevocably choose him (throughout the good and the bad times in life). Although the life of a Christian is not always happiness and sunshine, in my experience, there is an innate contentment and true joy that is brought on by being irrevocably committed to the life that God calls us to lead.
"When people make a decision that is difficult to reverse...they are strongly motivated to rationalize the decision and make the best of it. When people can more easily undo a decision...they are less motivated to rationalize their choice because they can always change their minds. Consequently people are often happier with irrevocable choices because they do the psychological work necessary to rationalize what they can't undo. Because people do not realize in advance that they will work harder to rationalize irreversible decisions, however, they often avoid the binding commitments that would actually increase their satisfaction." (Wilson and Gilbert, 2005)
I think this is an interesting idea, and as with most things I wonder how this relates to a relationship with God. It goes without saying that it is hard to quantify how committed a person is to their relationship with God. A relationship with a being that has no physical presence is difficult to measure. So, how can you tell if you have made an "irrevocable choice" to serve God instead of an ambivalent choice? Well, I'm not quite sure, but maybe it would look something like this...
"Blessed be your name,
In the land that is plentiful,
Where your streams of abundance flow,
Blessed be your name,
Blessed be your name
when I’m found in the desert place,
Though I walk through the wilderness,
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord"
("Blessed be Your Name" by Matt Redman)
I believe that God forms us psychologically in ways that bring us satisfaction when we live according to his will. Or maybe he calls us to live in a way that would psychologically bring us satisfaction? Either way, God knows what he is doing when he asks us to irrevocably choose him (throughout the good and the bad times in life). Although the life of a Christian is not always happiness and sunshine, in my experience, there is an innate contentment and true joy that is brought on by being irrevocably committed to the life that God calls us to lead.
Friday, September 21, 2007
American Beatitudes
Blessed are the self-sufficient,
For they will never need to lean on others.
Blessed are the ambitious,
For they will achieve their own goals.
Blessed are the opinionated,
For they will differentiate themselves.
Blessed are the hard-working,
For they will succeed financially.
Blessed are the emotionally strong,
For they will avoid vulnerability.
Blessed are the patriotic,
For they will be viewed as principled.
Blessed are the educated,
For they will be given respect.
Blessed are the independent,
For they will never feel pain from broken relationship.
Blessed are the experienced,
For they will be viewed as wise.
Blessed are the assertive,
For they will be given the esteem they demand.
Is it just me, or does this sound different from Matthew 5? Am I off base on any of these?
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Because I couldn't sleep
Things I don't like...
Close-mindedness...maybe my biggest pet-peeve. (Is it ironic that when I sense someone being close-minded I become uninterested in what they are saying and want to completely shut them off?)
Stereotypical West Texas boys who wear work boots and camo hats and drive over-sized pick-ups and still talk about their high school football teams.
Patriarchal views about marriage.
Snakes. They scare me.
Pro-war country music. It just makes me want to vomit. seriously Toby Keith, seriously.
The blur of Christianity and American patriotism.
Professors that believe that the way to earn the respect of their students is to put them down and make them feel unintelligent.
Counselors who damage their clients with hurtful words and hopelessness. There is a place for these people and it is not heaven.
Thoughtlessness. It really rubs me the wrong way when people do not think about what they say/do before they say/do it. (even worse is when I am thoughtless)
Heights. I just don't like them.
When my shirts shrink up in the dryer. Boo.
Things I like...
The kind of friends that you can say anything to, but don't have to say anything at all.
Rain. There is something beautiful about the fresh sent and sense of hope that rain brings.
Good conversation. You know, the kind of conversation that you have when you are sharing something you are thinking and you feel like the other person completely understands what you are saying. I love that.
Laughing. I love being able to let myself relax and laugh about anything. I haven't always been able to do that, and I'm grateful for the ability to laugh in a care-free way.
Lyrics that express what I'm feeling better than I can.
Reading controversial material. I enjoy reading views that I don't necessarily agree with. I grow immensely through the written words of an opinionated author (both when I agree with the author and when I don't).
People Watching. I realize this is a moderately creepy thing to say, but I enjoy watching all different types of people and guessing what is going on in their lives and what they are thinking about.
Running. There is something very special about the physical discomfort and challenge that makes me somehow closer to God.
Nature. I just really like sunsets, green grass, tall trees, mountains and waterfalls. I appreciate God's creation.
Learning. I love to learn; to seek; to grow. I think that the ability to continually change is one our the greatest blessings.
Chocolate. Is there anything better than creamy milk chocolate? I think there might not be.
New Things. I like to try new things: hobbies, food, places. I enjoy gaining experience.
Those times when I all the sudden realize that there is no where else that I'd rather be than right here in this moment.
Close-mindedness...maybe my biggest pet-peeve. (Is it ironic that when I sense someone being close-minded I become uninterested in what they are saying and want to completely shut them off?)
Stereotypical West Texas boys who wear work boots and camo hats and drive over-sized pick-ups and still talk about their high school football teams.
Patriarchal views about marriage.
Snakes. They scare me.
Pro-war country music. It just makes me want to vomit. seriously Toby Keith, seriously.
The blur of Christianity and American patriotism.
Professors that believe that the way to earn the respect of their students is to put them down and make them feel unintelligent.
Counselors who damage their clients with hurtful words and hopelessness. There is a place for these people and it is not heaven.
Thoughtlessness. It really rubs me the wrong way when people do not think about what they say/do before they say/do it. (even worse is when I am thoughtless)
Heights. I just don't like them.
When my shirts shrink up in the dryer. Boo.
Things I like...
The kind of friends that you can say anything to, but don't have to say anything at all.
Rain. There is something beautiful about the fresh sent and sense of hope that rain brings.
Good conversation. You know, the kind of conversation that you have when you are sharing something you are thinking and you feel like the other person completely understands what you are saying. I love that.
Laughing. I love being able to let myself relax and laugh about anything. I haven't always been able to do that, and I'm grateful for the ability to laugh in a care-free way.
Lyrics that express what I'm feeling better than I can.
Reading controversial material. I enjoy reading views that I don't necessarily agree with. I grow immensely through the written words of an opinionated author (both when I agree with the author and when I don't).
People Watching. I realize this is a moderately creepy thing to say, but I enjoy watching all different types of people and guessing what is going on in their lives and what they are thinking about.
Running. There is something very special about the physical discomfort and challenge that makes me somehow closer to God.
Nature. I just really like sunsets, green grass, tall trees, mountains and waterfalls. I appreciate God's creation.
Learning. I love to learn; to seek; to grow. I think that the ability to continually change is one our the greatest blessings.
Chocolate. Is there anything better than creamy milk chocolate? I think there might not be.
New Things. I like to try new things: hobbies, food, places. I enjoy gaining experience.
Those times when I all the sudden realize that there is no where else that I'd rather be than right here in this moment.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
What exactly does "Follow" mean?
I will follow Jesus anywhere
I will follow Jesus anywhere
by his grace I know I'll make it there
I will follow Jesus anywhere.
-Dylan Sneed
This song has meant a lot to me over the past year or so. When I first heard it I got really excited and would sing along with it as a praise song. I would sing it to Jesus as an excited declaration of my infatuation with him. "Wherever Jesus asks me to go--I will follow. I will be on his heals excited to do his work."
A couple months later, however, I hit a low point. I was not happy with him and how he had screwed up my perfectly planned life. I continued to sing this song to him, but it was no longer an excited expression of infatuation...it had become a declaration of painful commitment. "I will faithfully follow where he asks me to go, but I'm not all that excited about it."
About a week ago the song took on another meaning to me. Maybe it isn't so much about where God leads me, and if I follow...maybe it is about following wherever I am. Instead of the song saying "I will follow wherever Jesus asks me to go" maybe the song is saying "Anywhere I am--There I will obey (or follow) how he has asked me to live." I will follow Jesus anywhere.
I believe that God is not as concerned with where we live or what we do professionally as much as he is concerned with how we live and what the condition of our heart is.
This is not a new thought, I am aware of that. I think most people believe that what I said in the previous paragraph is true, but my question is why do we not live like this? Why do we rack our brains about having the 'job God created us for,' or living where 'God wants us to live,' or even worse...marrying who 'God wants us to marry.'
If we honestly believe that it is not about what we do but how we do it then we would stop asking these silly questions and start asking questions like "How do I honor God in the job I have now?" "How do I draw nearer to God through my school work?" "How do I use the recourses of my home to bring glory to Him?" "What can I do in my community to be more like Christ to those I am around?" and "How can I build Christ centered relationships with those I'm closest to?"
I'm tired of this guessing-game-God. Where we have to ask "Is this your will?" all the time. The fact of the matter is his 'will' is for us to live like Christ...why do we have to complicate things?
I will follow Jesus anywhere
by his grace I know I'll make it there
I will follow Jesus anywhere.
-Dylan Sneed
This song has meant a lot to me over the past year or so. When I first heard it I got really excited and would sing along with it as a praise song. I would sing it to Jesus as an excited declaration of my infatuation with him. "Wherever Jesus asks me to go--I will follow. I will be on his heals excited to do his work."
A couple months later, however, I hit a low point. I was not happy with him and how he had screwed up my perfectly planned life. I continued to sing this song to him, but it was no longer an excited expression of infatuation...it had become a declaration of painful commitment. "I will faithfully follow where he asks me to go, but I'm not all that excited about it."
About a week ago the song took on another meaning to me. Maybe it isn't so much about where God leads me, and if I follow...maybe it is about following wherever I am. Instead of the song saying "I will follow wherever Jesus asks me to go" maybe the song is saying "Anywhere I am--There I will obey (or follow) how he has asked me to live." I will follow Jesus anywhere.
I believe that God is not as concerned with where we live or what we do professionally as much as he is concerned with how we live and what the condition of our heart is.
This is not a new thought, I am aware of that. I think most people believe that what I said in the previous paragraph is true, but my question is why do we not live like this? Why do we rack our brains about having the 'job God created us for,' or living where 'God wants us to live,' or even worse...marrying who 'God wants us to marry.'
If we honestly believe that it is not about what we do but how we do it then we would stop asking these silly questions and start asking questions like "How do I honor God in the job I have now?" "How do I draw nearer to God through my school work?" "How do I use the recourses of my home to bring glory to Him?" "What can I do in my community to be more like Christ to those I am around?" and "How can I build Christ centered relationships with those I'm closest to?"
I'm tired of this guessing-game-God. Where we have to ask "Is this your will?" all the time. The fact of the matter is his 'will' is for us to live like Christ...why do we have to complicate things?
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
The Heart of Life
On my way home Sunday night I decided to drive through down town Austin. Because it was Sunday night I didn't have any trouble with traffic. The lights were beautiful and the city felt peaceful, and as I was cruising and listening to my John Mayer CD I realized something. I'm Happy! REALLY JOYFUL! This is not the first time I have had this thought, and I'm sure that it won't be the last, but the event got me to thinking...When did I first feel this way?
Now, I had a very good childhood. I grew up in an amazing family and never had to worry about anything, but I don't actually remember being truly joyful until I was in college. You see, because I didn't have any really hard times growing up I had a false definition of what "normal" was. As far as I knew, everyone had a mom and a dad that loved them, everyone had a comfortable house with their own room, and everyone had friends that cared about them. These things were not blessings, they were normal.
Throughout Middle and High School I was kind of a melancholy kid, a Debbie-Downer, if you will. I was not a lot of fun to be with. I found things to worry about, things to obsess over. Anything negative was something I chose to think about… that is, until my grandpa died.
I reacted strangely to his death. I didn't. My grandpa and I had been really close. He had been my mentor, my buddy, my friend. He was my confidant and my biggest fan. He was like me when I thought no one else understood me. But, when he died, I ignored it. I guess I didn't know how to react. My whole youth I had been worried and depressed, so how was I supposed to act when something bad actually did happen? I didn't know, so I did nothing.
About 6 months later, during my senior year of high school, it hit me. I started waking up in the middle of the night sobbing. I would have these recurring vivid dreams about him where I would be reaching out to hug him and I would wake up in my bed alone crying...not just crying but shaking violently. It was awful. I didn't know what sorrow was until then. I had no idea that one person could feel SO much until I lost him.
I tell this story to say I don't believe it is possible to recognize what is good without knowing what is bad. Even in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were told not to eat from the tree of Good and Evil. Adam and Eve didn't know evil or good before they ate from that tree, "For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God knowing good and evil." Genesis 3:5 (NASB) they didn't even know how great
Since my grandfather passed away there have been several other "pains" life has thrown at me. I have been hurt, heart broken. I have felt betrayed and worthless. I have been clinically depressed, and physically ill. But, I have also been ambitious, optimistic. I have felt inspired and loved. I have been goal oriented, and I have found excitement and true joy in living.
The story of Adam and Eve doesn't end with “the fall.” God stuck with his people. He was with them through the desert. He remained committed when they were unfaithful, and ultimately, through his love, He gave his life so that we could be with him...So that we could experience how good relationship with him is.
“Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good”
"The Heart of Life" (John Mayer)
Saturday, June 30, 2007
unfinishable uncertainty
I am at this weird place in my life right now. The best word I can use to describe it is 'uncertainty.' I have all these questions and feelings rattling around in my brain and no answers. It is a frustrating place to be. On this blog alone I have written 5 posts that I cannot finish. I just have no resolution; no way to end them... and that is only on this blog! I have at least 4 other Word documents that I have written (only to myself) that I can't even finish! The bad part is this theme extends beyond my writing.
I recently took up a new hobby--painting. I'm actually pretty good. I mean I like my stuff, anyway. But I can't finish them. I cannot finish my paintings. I am also in the middle of 3 books right now that, once again, I can't seem to finish. None of them... I am not done reading any of them.
I recently took up a new hobby--painting. I'm actually pretty good. I mean I like my stuff, anyway. But I can't finish them. I cannot finish my paintings. I am also in the middle of 3 books right now that, once again, I can't seem to finish. None of them... I am not done reading any of them.
I am in desperate need of some kind of closure; some kind of 'end' to something. Even just a closure of a thought I've been having would be nice.
About a year ago, one of my friends was explaining to me why I wasn't getting asked out that much... His explanation sounded something like, "Katherine, you are just one of those girls, you know, that appear to have it together, and that's intimidating." I was so shocked when he said that to me... 'Me? Have it together?' At the time I certainly did not think I 'had it together,' but now, looking back at me then... I think maybe I tried too hard to look like I did. I always had an answer... to everything... and that is just not normal.
Now, however... I seem to have completely run out of answers to questions. And you know what... maybe it's good for me to sit in this 'uncertain' phase of life for a while. Maybe I need this so that I stop believing that it is me that has all the wisdom and knowledge, and become trusting that it is God that has the wisdom, and I should be thankful that sometimes he gives me a little wisdom, too.
This is the best closure I can come up with to my 'unfinishable' thought.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Thoughts on nothing
Well, here I am with nothing brilliant to say, but frustrated with having a blank blog for several days now... So I will write... regardless of having nothing to say...
Sometimes it is important to just do things... I realize this is an incredibly broad statement... but it's true. I often do not feel like doing certain things... taking out the trash, for example, is not the most exciting and rewarding job out there, yet it needs to be done. I have been thinking on this some. .. not a lot, but some.
One of my least favorite expressions is, "but I don't feel like it." I hate this grouping of words even more when I look back at times that I have used it. How horribly selfish is this statement?
Seriously Katherine, shut up and do it.
That is at least what I want to say to myself.
Because the trash needs to be taken out, and work needs to get done, and people need to be loved... and the time comes for me to stop looking around for other people to get their hands dirty and stop making excusses for why I am exempt from loving that person, or how it is not my turn to take out the trash.
So here I go, I pick me. I volunteer to get my hands dirty, and actually try to be a little bit like Christ... but man... sometimes I just really don't feel like it.
Sometimes it is important to just do things... I realize this is an incredibly broad statement... but it's true. I often do not feel like doing certain things... taking out the trash, for example, is not the most exciting and rewarding job out there, yet it needs to be done. I have been thinking on this some. .. not a lot, but some.
One of my least favorite expressions is, "but I don't feel like it." I hate this grouping of words even more when I look back at times that I have used it. How horribly selfish is this statement?
Seriously Katherine, shut up and do it.
That is at least what I want to say to myself.
Because the trash needs to be taken out, and work needs to get done, and people need to be loved... and the time comes for me to stop looking around for other people to get their hands dirty and stop making excusses for why I am exempt from loving that person, or how it is not my turn to take out the trash.
So here I go, I pick me. I volunteer to get my hands dirty, and actually try to be a little bit like Christ... but man... sometimes I just really don't feel like it.
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