unfinishable uncertainty

I am at this weird place in my life right now. The best word I can use to describe it is 'uncertainty.' I have all these questions and feelings rattling around in my brain and no answers. It is a frustrating place to be. On this blog alone I have written 5 posts that I cannot finish. I just have no resolution; no way to end them... and that is only on this blog! I have at least 4 other Word documents that I have written (only to myself) that I can't even finish! The bad part is this theme extends beyond my writing.

I recently took up a new hobby--painting. I'm actually pretty good. I mean I like my stuff, anyway. But I can't finish them. I cannot finish my paintings. I am also in the middle of 3 books right now that, once again, I can't seem to finish. None of them... I am not done reading any of them.

I am in desperate need of some kind of closure; some kind of 'end' to something. Even just a closure of a thought I've been having would be nice.

About a year ago, one of my friends was explaining to me why I wasn't getting asked out that much... His explanation sounded something like, "Katherine, you are just one of those girls, you know, that appear to have it together, and that's intimidating." I was so shocked when he said that to me... 'Me? Have it together?' At the time I certainly did not think I 'had it together,' but now, looking back at me then... I think maybe I tried too hard to look like I did. I always had an answer... to everything... and that is just not normal.

Now, however... I seem to have completely run out of answers to questions. And you know what... maybe it's good for me to sit in this 'uncertain' phase of life for a while. Maybe I need this so that I stop believing that it is me that has all the wisdom and knowledge, and become trusting that it is God that has the wisdom, and I should be thankful that sometimes he gives me a little wisdom, too.

This is the best closure I can come up with to my 'unfinishable' thought.